After my wedding, with my belongings hastily packed into boxes, my new husband Peter*, then 24, drove me to an empty parking lot and raped me, telling me: “Legally, you belong to me now.”
I was just 17, a child bride forced to marry a man who had groomed, abused and manipulated me since I was 13. While the legal age for marriage in England and Wales is 18, it remains just 16 in 80 percent of US states – even though in many of them you’re not considered old enough to vote or drink alcohol until you’re 21.
A childhood lost
Growing up in a military family meant my childhood was never quite “normal”. We moved frequently before settling in Colorado when I was ten, joining a strict, male-dominated religious community where it was common for young girls to marry much older men.
Life at home with my father, stepmother and nine siblings was sheltered and isolated. We were allowed only weekly religious cartoons and could only use a communal computer under supervision. We were taught to fear the outside world and denied medical treatment from outside our community.
I first met Peter at 13 while visiting my mum in another state. He was 20 and a family friend. He introduced me to a messaging app for iPods so I could keep in touch with my mum and cousin – but instead he used it to groom me, flooding me with messages about our supposed future together.
When I was 14, he molested me during a visit. Overcome with guilt and disgust, I fell into depression. Back home, the pressure of hiding his constant messages from my strict father led to an eating disorder.
Just after my 16th birthday, Peter appeared outside my house saying: “I’m either gonna tell your dad what’s happening, or you can come with me.” Fearing exposure, I left with him across state lines. There, his abuse escalated.
My parents reported me missing but believed I’d gone willingly. Too scared to ask for help, I stayed away. Six weeks later, a family member spotted me and called the police. My father brought me home and confined me indoors.
Trapped by tradition
In my community’s eyes, I was ruined for having run away with an older man. Overwhelmed by despair, I attempted suicide but survived.
Weeks later Peter reappeared and after going out for dinner with my father, it was decided – much to my horror – that we would be married the next day.
Married life brought further abuse as Peter regularly assaulted me and spat in my food. Knowing I couldn’t legally divorce him until I turned 18 left me feeling utterly trapped.
Two months later he threw me out of a moving car. Fearing for my life, I fled in the night with nothing but the clothes on my back. With help from relatives, I found shelter and work. Eventually, I saved enough to file for divorce which came through in April 2014.
Finding hope
The trauma led me down a path of drinking and drugs but slowly things changed as I made friends through work – including my now-husband Jordan. He too had grown up in the same community and understood what I’d been through.
We moved in together when I was 21 and married the following year. Yet the scars remained; PTSD haunted me and after another suicide attempt I finally sought help. A psychologist told me: “You have post-traumatic stress disorder – what happened to you was not OK.” That marked the start of a long journey towards healing.
In January 2023, inspired by another survivor’s campaign against child sexual abuse, I decided to share my story publicly. Setting up a GoFundMe page and posting on TikTok led to an outpouring of support from people shocked that child marriage is still legal in America. In fact, nearly 300,000 children were married in the US between 2000 and 2018**, many to much older men.
Now I continue to speak out for myself and the daughter Jordan and I are raising together – determined that her future will be different.
I remain in contact only with my mum and two siblings; others have cut ties because of my decision to leave the community. Triathlons have become both therapy and activism for me – every race is a reminder of how far I’ve come.
Some days are hard but even if it takes all my strength, I’ll never stop speaking up for girls still suffering in silence.
Follow Brittany on Instagram @brittany_bee_.
*Name has been changed **Source: Unicef
